Dave had always considered the cornerstone of his long and strong marriage to Val to be communication.
Wed in 1990 with three children, they shared everything with each other, the good and the bad. They had always been candid with each other.
Yet, for the past 12 months, Dave has been keeping something from Val, a change in his life that he so desperately wanted to share with her.
He’d tried to conceal it the best he could. He no longer brought home any work files and kept his briefcase locked. He was pretty sure that Val was suspicious but she didn’t say.
Finally, last week he plucked up the courage to chat things through with her. He booked a table at their favourite Indian and spilt the beans.
My meeting with Dave and Val was the morning after.
I asked Dave how he felt:
“Relieved, is the biggest emotion I feel right now” he said “I only wished I had told Val when I first changed, as she took it really well and was extremely supportive”
Val interjected “It took real guts to do what he did, you know. I’m really proud of him. I consider him to be a pioneer”
“I can only imagine the torment he’s been going through these past 12 months, feeling he couldn’t share this significant transformation with me”
Dave told me the change happened on the 1st February 2013. I was curious as to why he held it back for so long from Val.
“It’s the description used to define what I now do that more than anything that really narks me” he said “It makes me feel like I’m manacled or chained. I’ve only ever been in chains once before and Val wasn’t too pleased when she found out, hence my reticence.”
I asked Dave if he has any advice for other advisers in the same situation.
“Come out” he said “Be brave and just do it. Go tell your family and friends. You’ll feel so much better when you do”
“Now my family fully understand and support my new situation, I want to help others facing the same predicament” he continued.
I asked Dave what his plans where.
“I’ve decided to launch a new club” he enthused. “I’m calling it RAM ~ the Restricted Advisers Massive.”
“The aim of the club is to give restricted advisers fast access to my memory so I can share my experiences and help them transition as smoothly as possible”
Dave told me that he does need some funding for his club, and he asked me to put the word out to product providers and networks. I have his contact details so if any are reading this and are keen to talk to him, drop me a line.
Well, there you have it. My first elusive exclusive in print.
Leave me a comment and let me know what you think, it may encourage me to write more.